Ever sipped a cup of tea slower than usual because the conversation over it turned very interesting and you wanted it to last longer ? Or perhaps walked down a lane that takes you barely 5 mins to cross on normal days, for 15 or say 20 mins because you were accompanied by your favourite person.
It’s not exaggeration if I say that– “In this fast moving world”- can be used as the opening phrase for most of the content nowadays as it is short, relevant and relatable. One of the few things consistent in the ever changing life of humans is the tendency to get things done faster than they were being done previously. Take a mobile phone for example, with every new launch “fast charging” facility is getting even “faster”. Progress is synonymous to speed and every new innovation aims at providing it and reducing the time we need to spend on completing tasks. But, what brings us joy needs our time.
All of us have wanted for games period to last longer than others and the crazy thing is that time always felt going faster during our favourite period. The same 45 mins that seemed to last ages during maths lecture (sorry maths lovers), ended in the blink of an eye when it was a free period. Indeed, time passes at its fixed interval, neither sooner nor later. It’s the amusement, the pleasure that makes us forget that time exists and we don’t even look at the watch like we do every 2-3 mins when something that doesn’t interest us is going on.
Remember how when we are excited for something, we avoid sleeping. Because sleeping makes time disappear without us even noticing it. Meanwhile a child who is going to meet his father after months will surely want to live through all the moments leading up to when he can finally hug his father. No doubt, we feel the joy of delay most distinctly when we’re in love. If you have ever made the night third wheel, then no one knows it better than you, your partner and the moon of course, how much you dreaded the alarm clock and the slight redness in the sky signifying the departure of moon.
As lovely the delay in the course of time feels when we are in love, as indispensable it seems when we are in a tough situation. From the panic over little things such as exams, where one or the other student is definitely seen asking the invigilator for 5 more mins, to actual life and death situations. Who wouldn’t want to spend some more time with an ailing family member whom we know for sure is departing the world very soon.
In a way, all of us are living in haste. Completing all the trivial tasks as soon as possible, so that when we find something that actually feels worth living for, we can dedicate all of our time to it. The futile hope of stretching time beyond its limit just to remain in the moment for some more time might be silly but those moments are what define us. The tasks we complete in haste are mostly same for everyone but what we want to live through longer, what we experience during that time makes us different and surely is very delightful.
I was going through my phone gallery when I realized that it has been more than two years now since I went on a trip to Goa. Of all the things that corona deprived us of, travelling and exploring new places had the biggest setback. But, to have the memories of a two year old trip still afresh in your mind like it was yesterday, perfectly describes just how indelible the journey was. I still remember the exact feeling of emancipation which I felt while walking along the rebellious yet beautiful waves of the Arabian sea.
Just coz I love this click.
Talking of Goa and not mentioning beaches is like talking of science fiction movies and not mentioning Interstellar. On our first day of the trip we went to the Calangute beach, one of the most popular holiday destinations in Goa. Before going to the beach with the whole party, me and my sister decided to rent a scooty and visit the beach while the sun was still down, because someone had said that the beach at night looks really beautiful.
Beaches are usually closed at night because of the risk of high tidal waves, so when we reached there it was just us and the vast moonlit Arabian sea. It was dawn, the full moon was still shining above the carpet of water, pulling it up time to time, making it look like Aladdin’s magic carpet, ready to fly. The moon was shining so brightly and the reflection from water was so strong that it could almost trick people into thinking of it being daytime. The only difference was the calmness due to the lack of people. It seemed like the sea was resting, getting ready to welcome thousands of people again during the day. As the sun slowly started to replace the moon, me and my sister went back to the villa to come back again with everyone.
I’m not a photographer so please forgive me for not being able to provide you with aesthetic pictures.🙇♀️
When we came to the beach during daytime, it was a completely different site. There were many people, mostly non locals like us and many foreigners too. People, wearing swimsuits, were lying down on the sand, some beneath the coconut trees, some were playing volleyball and others were enjoying water sports like surfing, jet skiing, boating or just swimming. For someone like me, who belongs to a tropical region, what I was seeing in front of me was a whole different culture. Just how much change a different climate pattern can bring into the lifestyle of people was very apparent at that moment.
After strolling around the beach a little and clicking pictures that will allow us to visit this beautiful place again virtually, our crew decided to go on a boat ride. At first the waves threw a little tantrum and kept throwing our boat back to the shore. The empty beer bottles in the boat got filled with seawater due to the speed with which the waves were crashing on our boat. But finally the waves gave way for our boat to step in. The boatman was a local Goan who throughout our boat journey told us about other places to visit in Goa. Looking at him I realised that our perception of Goa is actually all about the tourists visiting here. But this man, right here, and many more like him, making sure that every person visiting Goa enjoys their stay here, so that they can earn livelihood, are the true representatives of Goa.
Outside the beach there were many coconut vendors and the marketplace was filled with stalls of handicrafts, jewelleries, bags, beachwear, etc. The jewelleries and handicrafts were mostly made of coconut, sea shells and corals.
The Mandovi Bridge
At night, we went on a cruise party near Mandovi bridge, built over the Mandovi river. Apart from the loud DJ music, there were some cultural programs as well, that gave us a glimpse into the Portuguese history of Goa. Dance, music, drinks, everything was there, but what I needed was to feel the touch of pleasant wind blowing over the sea on my face. So, I rushed towards the deck. From the deck, I could clearly see the Mandovi bridge lit up with different colored lights, and right beneath it was another bridge exactly the same as the one above, lying underwater, peaceful and serene. It was a sight to behold. But my movie mind kept thinking of Titanic, and the iconic Jack and Rose deck scene and then whatever followed. In order to avoid these thoughts I rushed back to the party.
The next day was even more exciting. I have never been a beach person. I always wanted to visit mountains, forests and waterfalls. A waterfall in Goa was unheard of for me, but there is actually a waterfall in Goa, called the Dudhsagar falls. Located in the Bhagwan Mahaveer Sanctuary and Mollem National Park, Dudhsagar literally means the ‘sea of milk’. There are two ways to access this waterfall. You can either take a train which passes through the falls or you can go through the Wildlife Sanctuary. We took the later route.
When we entered the Mahaveer Sanctuary, we were asked to wear life jackets. From there, we boarded a Bolero, and through the muddy pathways, surrounded with trees and occasionally interrupted by the shallow parts of our old friend, the Mandovi river, we reached a wooden bridge. That is where the Bolero left us. There is one thing worth mentioning here; there are no concrete bridges inside the sanctuary and because of that, while crossing the river some water even entered the Bolero. The reason for not building bridges, as explained by our driver, is to keep nature intact and not obstruct the natural flow of the river.
The Dudhsagar Falls
After boarding off the Bolero we walked a great deal before reaching the breathtaking sight of one of the tallest waterfalls in India. Falling down from a height that used the maximum of your head tilt to be able to see where the waterfall is originating from, the water looked completely white in colour, till it met with the river. As we were wearing life jackets, we decided to step into the water, although none of us knew how to swim. Completely opposed to the warm, rather moderate, sea water we had met with the previous day, the water falling from above was chilling cold. Ironically the calm and moderate sea water is a symbol of chill lifestyle, meanwhile the cold and angry waterfall symbolises the serenity of nature. After spending some time in the water, I came out and sat on one of the rocks, just looking at the giant waterfall and thinking how much variety nature has to offer in such a small state as Goa.
Trust me it was very difficult to capture the whole thing in camera.🙁
Dudhsagar falls was the last destination of our short trip to Goa. On the way back to our villa, we boarded a bus and I took the window seat . The icy cold water of the river still had its effect on me, but the slightly warm weather was slowly balancing it. Looking outside of the window, with my favourite song playing in the earphones, I started contemplating how this whole journey made me feel. The reason I called Goa a paradox in the title is because, despite being the ‘party capital of India’, what Goa gave me was a sense of relaxation. Indeed the beaches are meant to chill and relax but as someone who hates crowded places, calling the Goa visit my favorite trip so far is quite paradoxical. And then ofcourse the contrast of sea and waterfall.
It was near dusk, the sky was slowly changing its colour, as was the sun. The magical nightlife of Goa was taking control of the marketplaces and I was trying to capture every beautiful scenery I could into my memory lane. With a little bit of sadness and lots of sweet memories it was now time for me to say goodbye to Goa.
The pride month is about to end in a week and recently I found myself re-watching one of my favourite LGBTQ dramas. Will I pay heavens to make me experience the feeling of watching it for the first time again? Yes absolutely yes!
The drama that I’m talking about is called “I Told Sunset About You”, also known as ITSAY (yes, I couldn’t think of a better title for the blog). If you are a fan of Asian dramas then you have definitely heard of the BL genre. BL (Boys’ Love) shows although depict romantic relationships between men but are targeted towards teenage female audience. The genre has often been accused of wrongly portraying gay relationships.
Coming back to ITSAY, it is a Thai drama released in 2020, though marketed as a BL in the beginning but due to its realistic portrayal of same sex love and not following of conventional BL tropes, ITSAY is considered a LGBTQ coming of age drama. The story follows the lives of two teenage boys Teh and Oh-aew, played by Billkin and PP Krit respectively, who live in Phuket and are chasing their common dream of becoming actors. Teh and Oh-aew used to be childhood friends but had a fallout due to their shared dream forcing them to be competitors.
Finally, in the last year of school while preparing for University entrance exams Teh and Oh-aew meet again at Chinese language tutorial classes where Teh agrees to teach Oh-aew Chinese and their friendship blooms again. Teh is in love with a girl named Tarn who is also his classmate and they both have decided to start dating after entering University. The five episode drama then tells the story of both the boys exploring their identity, realising their love for eachother, chasing their dreams, while dealing with family pressure and teenage angst simultaneously.
As a coming of age drama, ITSAY portrays the complexities of a teenager’s mind really well. The struggle to strike a balance between what the heart wants as opposed to the mind and the constant fear of not being able to conform to the norms of the society makes up for a emotional roller coaster ride. Teh helping Oh-aew learn the Chinese language gives us some of the sweetest and heart fluttering scenes in the drama. The feelings of jealousy, helplessness and longing for eachother when a constant pressure of entering a prestigious University and making good career is lingering above them makes ITSAY relatable to many of us.
I can’t help but talk about a particular scene in the drama where the fear of loosing Oh-aew, the pressure to be up to the mark like his elder brother and several other things piled up together cause Teh to have a mental breakdown in the middle of writing his exam. Another heartbreaking scene is where Teh is struggling to come to terms with his sexuality and thus refrains from getting closer to Oh-aew. This prompts Oh-aew to try on a red bra as he wonders what he is lacking in? Why is he not enough for Teh to love him back?
A still from ITSAY
Talking about ITSAY and not appreciating its soundtrack and cinematography is soon going to be counted in top ten gravest sins one could commit in their life. The soundtrack is as memorable as the show itself, with each score resonating with various human emotions. My personal favourite is “Home Coming”. As for the cinematography, I will just say that ITSAY feels like a trip to Phuket with your two favourite people.
I can keep on writing paragraphs about the brilliance of this drama, it’s storyline, acting, direction, music and everything else but that will make this blog extraordinarily long. So, if you want to fall in love with beaches, sunsets, hibiscus, coconuts, the colors red and blue, and reminisce about your teenage love then please watch ITSAY without wasting another minute.
ITSAY is followed by a 14-minute short film, titled Last Twilight in Phuket and a second season called I Promised You The Moon.
You! yes you The black among the whites The lone star of dark nights, The tortoise in rabbits’ race Nah! Not the winner That’s not always the case.
You, who were too big to fit in the box So they chopped your ‘useless’ wings off, Now you look more like the other products To serve uniformity All of us have sacrificed a little bit of us.
For individuality stokes fear You did whatever kept you near, The flock of one’s who look like you But differences became stark The closer you drew.
Catching up, keeping up, living up to them Drained of all glitter, was once a shining gem. It’s an endless chase with no finish line It ends with you Either you decline or you resign.
No matter how much you try to fit in You have already committed the sin Of thinking apart, of having doubts. The road ahead is deserted yet, Regards, the odd one out.
When you filled the first of our days with your ambitions, I believed it’s going to be a fun trip. That we will be together for a long time, With our bond strengthened at every stroke of your pen’s tip.
At times I was scared of how much I know of you; The crushes you had, the people you loathed the circumstances you feared. I felt special that only I knew what made you cry, Before the words were boldened and then smudged by your tears.
It was painful when you tore pieces off me, Scribbling the most beautiful anger art. The “dictators of your life” could never find the rebel’s hideout, I made sure to absorb all the pain in your heart.
It was decided the moment you entrusted me with your beloved’s flower, That if the world ever puts you on trial I will defend and be your attorney. I swear I called your name when the “little one” invaded our privacy, As I meant it when I declared myself a confidant in this journey.
I felt the burden of your heavy heart when you started filling me with your emptiness, I still carry the guilt of knowing the exact moment you gave up on life and liveliness.
The flower has changed its colour I won’t embrace you with rented fragrance like before, The pen is as lonely as me in the company of my pages My dear why don’t you pick us up why don’t you write anymore?
Feels like yesterday when we were six or seven. What prompted us to be friends is still a mystery to me. But, I don’t remember us being strangers either. We didn’t have checklists back then. No judgements, no rules, for who to be friends with.
It must’ve been your tasty lunch that bound us together or the agreement we signed to help eachother in exams, dripping with innocence but adhered to very sternly. What next? A simple handshake and boom, 15 years have passed.
Lately, I can’t help but think how different we are from eachother. Our field of study to pastime hobbies. Different personalities, different ways of looking at life. I have noticed that what interests me, causes you boredom. Without mentioning, we have started avoiding so many topics for the sake of saving quarrel. What was obscure a few years ago is very obvious now. How you will react in a particular situation, what would be your point of view on a certain matter. Both of us have become aware of our different social backgrounds and thus our unfortunately different positions in the society, which has ultimately decided out political leanings as well; that too different.
I keep wondering, whether I would’ve liked to be friends with you if I met you today? Now, at this age, when I pretty much understand myself, my interests; with the baggage of all my experiences till date, leading to subconscious judgements, would I have approached you? Would you have approached me?
I have distanced myself from so many people saying “our vibes don’t match”, when they very obviously share personalities with you. How did we manage to be so different from eachother when we were together almost all the time. It’s so strangely astonishing how the same soil and water begets different plants and the distinction becomes clearly visible when those plants bear their own flowers.
Still something keeps us together. It’s either the comfort, the memories or the fear of us knowing way too much about eachother. Then there is the gargantuan task of finding someone else like you, which I admit is quite impossible given the fact that I’m very lazy when it comes to striking a conversation. Perhaps if they also bring tasty lunch…..nah, nevermind.
Afterall, we don’t like 100 percent of the people we like, but we are willing to make adjustments for them; or we have already adjusted ourselves according to them without anyone of us knowing. Also, with each day passing we are getting older and busier and the time we spend together is getting shorter. That automatically leads to lesser differences and more efforts to cherish every moment we get to be together.
His love was like a treat Had me begging for more at each step, I thought I was climbing up a ladder It was a clifftop of unfathomable depth.
Do not leave me here in this maze For I am unaware of these ways.
Yes, I committed the sin of opening up, But my alibi is your assurance and my trust.
You took me up and up till the ground disappeared into clouds, Wandering in the sky I felt like a kite. Between a bird and a kite one is dependent on thread, And oh dear how did you forget that I am afraid of heights?
My head hangs low admitting it’s a point of no return for me, We either move together or, if you set me free, You might not have any regret, not even it’s whiff, But I will have no other choice but to jump off the cliff.
“A mother, a daughter, a sister” Today a copy paste for all your tweets. What about the one born on streets? With fragile relations and nothing to eat.
The pilot the doctor the sweeper the engineer, The ‘undignified’ prostitute and the unpaid housewife. The model on the ramp is as much a women As the uniform bearer who prefers nation over life.
A pair of breasts, a uterus, a vagina Now..before you say haww and bow down your heads, Let me also talk about period blood Because I know, no will care after Women’s Day ends.
Black, white and all the shades of brown, The one who was humiliated for her weight. Reminded of being a “woman” since birth As if it is a thing to forget.
The beautiful, caring and loving one A “sacrificial goat”, that toes your line. Yes we are affectionate by nature, but who is an ideal woman? The crowd doesn’t decide, the crowd doesn’t define.
The one who bears a child, the one who cannot, The one who was born a woman the one who feels like a woman, The lesbian the straight the bisexual the queer We don’t settle for the moon, we chase the boundless sky my dear. And as vast as the sky, that, is womanhood my dear. That, is womanhood my dear.
Random Thoughts 